1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,025 [CELL DOOR SLAMS] 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,152 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 3 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,950 [CELL DOOR SLAMS] 4 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,718 [CELL DOOR SLAMS] 5 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,205 - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - I can do it. 6 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:25,459 If I approach with a reasonable and a health-positive offer, 7 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,437 she can't say no. Right? 8 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,382 Look, I would talk to her for you, 9 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:34,093 but I told Badison I'd no longer be her personal phone case, 10 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,695 so I'm trying to avoid owing favors. 11 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,740 Other than sexual ones to you, of course. 12 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,185 [PIPER] Maybe her face is so scrunched up 13 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,271 because you can't move around. It's too crowded. 14 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,940 Regular physical exercise releases facial muscles. 15 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:52,170 I wouldn't lead with that. But you got this. 16 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:57,491 Ooh, Chapman's a real ringer for me. 17 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,493 Could be a double-digit opportunity for both us. 18 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,912 This game isn't as fun as I thought it would be. 19 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,306 How many points you got? 20 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,851 I haven't really been keeping track. 21 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,438 What the freight train? You gotta keep track of your points! 22 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,441 [STUTTERS] I'm losing interest. 23 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,401 Unacceptable. Mmm-mmm. 24 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:19,221 Hello. I'm Chapman. I live on your block. 25 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,450 I was wondering if I could have a minute of your time? 26 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,770 Look, I don't want to step on anybody's toes, 27 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:31,817 but I recently spoke with the head of Rec, and we're bringing back kickball. 28 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:37,573 And I was wondering if you or your colleagues would like to join. 29 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,158 I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. 30 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,993 We're gonna get extra blacktop time, 31 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,247 and I also think it will be an opportunity to get some actual cardio, 32 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,124 because of all of the running bases. 33 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,645 - I know what kickball is. - Of course. Would you like to sign up? 34 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,732 I retired my kickball shoes. 35 00:02:55,884 --> 00:03:00,030 Would it be okay if I asked some of the other girls? 36 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,158 It's a free country. 37 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,702 Thank you. 38 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:11,708 And if you change your mind, I'm gonna save a spot for you. 39 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:17,589 Oh! 40 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,991 [SIGHS] Freight train. 41 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,053 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 42 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:30,143 On a scale of one to Derek Jeter, how much do you hate that cookie? 43 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,629 I don't like her, with her clipboard. 44 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,274 No one starts things. I'm the starter. 45 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,069 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 46 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,780 Mmm. 47 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,199 Why is this powder? 48 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,910 I had to get a little creative. 49 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,187 [SNORTS] Whoa! 50 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,064 [COUGHING] 51 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,166 Creative how? 52 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:57,069 I mighta used a riot girl to score from C-Block. 53 00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,906 Wait. You used my money to line the pockets of Carol-Block? 54 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,908 Desperate times. 55 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,828 But a temporary stop-gap, 'cause guess who bagged CO Enders? 56 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:06,871 [LAUGHS] 57 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,874 Next week this time, be back in the pill business. 58 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,042 [CHUCKLES AND SNIFFLES] Enders, huh? 59 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,143 Mmm. 60 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:14,879 How'd you flip her? 61 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,233 [CHUCKLING] Shall I hazard a guess? 62 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,177 [EXHALES HEAVILY] 63 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,780 I get it. I get it. 64 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,058 I started this business with a rimjob. [CHUCKLES] 65 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,769 Receiving. 66 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,497 I don't kiss ass, with or without tongue. 67 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,067 But I have been known to shove my foot up one. 68 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,921 You wanna bend over for me? What are you not saying? 69 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,716 She wants 55%. 70 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:47,578 Oh. Oh, okay. Well... [CHUCKLES] Could be worse. 71 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:51,791 [INHALES DEEPLY] That extra 20% comes out of your cut. 72 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,668 [SIGHS] Got it. 73 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,337 [SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT] 74 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,107 Come here. Come. Come here. 75 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:03,486 [SNIFFLING] Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Mmm. 76 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,405 Hi. 77 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,850 I don't like it when I have to be the bad fly. 78 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,036 [CHUCKLES] 79 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,165 Guy. Lady. [CHUCKLES] 80 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,251 What do you say we rewind, huh? 81 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,884 This is where you fucking say, "Yes, ma'am." 82 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,928 Yes. I got you. 83 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,163 Ma'am! 84 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,206 Jesus! 85 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:35,602 Oh, my God! What are the flies doing here? 86 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:39,296 I told Tonya to close the lid on the Dumpster. 87 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,507 [INHALES DEEPLY] Did she clock out? 88 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,443 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 89 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,224 What did you take? 90 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,160 [GRUNTING] 91 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,870 Do you have more? 92 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,438 [GROANING] 93 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,334 - [BONE CLICKS] - My elbow is clicking. You hear that? 94 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:03,028 Wait. Is your elbow emitting a high-pitched ringing 95 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,489 not unlike that of a tuning fork? 96 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,588 'Cause that's the only sound I'm hearing. 97 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,785 It's like The Addams Family theme song. 98 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,453 ♪ Doo-be-doo-bee, click, click ♪ 99 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,973 ♪ Doo-be-doo-bee, click, click ♪ 100 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,792 I guess we are dialed in to different stations. 101 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,919 Thanks to you, those thugs fucked up my hinge joint 102 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,422 and I can't get that fucking song out of my head. 103 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:25,151 Oh, shit! You know what song I'm thinkin' about now? [GRUNTS] 104 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,972 ♪ The knee bone's connected to the ♪ ♪ Leave-me-the-fuck-alone bone ♪ 105 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,766 I know your head hurts and all, 106 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,019 but you did get to stare into my cave of wonders. 107 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,520 So, you're welcome. 108 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:40,608 Well, I guess the gratitude part of my brain must've been damaged 109 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:44,153 when a bookshelf got slammed onto my head, because I was helping you. 110 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:47,573 On your feet, Flores. Your staycation from gen pop is up. 111 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,074 - The fuck? - Oh! 112 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,870 The doctor said to ice my ribs and rest for 72 hours. 113 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,288 And I have this click. 114 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,956 A new patient needs the bed, 115 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,958 and you're the least likely to die, so come on. 116 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,711 Oh, please, God, let the new girl be in a coma. 117 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,255 I haven't had my after-breakfast pudding. 118 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,050 This ain't the Best Value Inn. Check out is now. 119 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,718 Come on. You need help gettin' up? 120 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,637 [STUTTERS] Don't touch. 121 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:10,780 [SIGHS] 122 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,558 Oh, no! No! 123 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,268 I see how it is now. 124 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:21,065 You kick out someone from C-Block so a deplorable can get the bed. 125 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,777 You outsource our jobs and repeal our healthcare? 126 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,671 [BARBARA] Go away! Go away! 127 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,490 No. No! No! 128 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,450 - Should I call Burch for a Psych consult? - Help! 129 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,868 [DOCTOR] No. She's high as a kite. 130 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,828 Let's see how she's doing when she comes down. 131 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,956 Strap her tightly. Let her ride it out. 132 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,125 Please, you cannot put this squawking chicken next to me, man. 133 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,836 I have a migraine. I need sleep. 134 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,796 Good luck with that. 135 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,232 - [BARBARA] Please help me! No! - Calm down. It's okay! 136 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,651 [GROANING CONTINUES] 137 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,222 [FIG] Can I get a fucking towel, please? 138 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,407 Give me a sec. 139 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,786 Towels. Towels. Towels. 140 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:01,271 I just gotta remember where I packed them. 141 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:04,441 How about this one? The one with "towels" written on it in Sharpie? 142 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,444 And it's full of books. Of course. 143 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,113 I got the boxes used. 144 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,824 [GROANS] Joe, you could have fuckin' relabeled. 145 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:12,866 Why? 146 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,244 I'll know it's books because it's heavy. 147 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:18,973 Also, when I open it up, I'll see books. 148 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,296 You didn't pull away. 149 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,966 I haven't had my coffee. My reflexes are compromised. 150 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,968 I am soaked. Find me a towel. 151 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,487 You're comfortable here. 152 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,406 Binge-watching Younger. 153 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,993 Reading Nordic noir in bed. 154 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,562 You take your bra off the second you walk in the door. 155 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,772 - The ladies like to breathe. - You see? 156 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,858 I'm finally getting to see the real Natalie. 157 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,651 It was more convenient to stay here 158 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:50,421 than to commute back and forth to Albany every day. 159 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:55,868 You've been seen sitting across from me while I eat in public. 160 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,161 Once at a Five Guys. 161 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,579 Relax. 162 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,666 It's like the last days of camp where everyone becomes best friends 163 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:06,420 and vows to stay in touch forever. It'll wear off a week after you're gone. 164 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,690 Speaking of, wasn't that supposed to be today? 165 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,258 I have one more thing to do. 166 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:15,179 And I need that shirt. The rest are in one of these boxes. 167 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,656 One more thing? 168 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,853 Let's do something special before I leave Monday. 169 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,646 Properly mark the occasion. 170 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,483 You are such a delicate flower. 171 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,235 I was thinking something like a quickie in the garden 172 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,279 at the FDR Presidential Library? 173 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,156 You so have been saving that up. 174 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,325 Since 11th-grade US history. 175 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,786 [CHUCKLES] It's on my fucket list. 176 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,871 [CHUCKLING] 177 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,665 - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - Let me ask you something. 178 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,437 Does this hair say "wrongfully accused" to you? 179 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:52,257 Mmm. That hair right there be sayin', 180 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,762 "Moisturize my ends. Please, Lord! Shea butter my shit." 181 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,347 [CHUCKLES] 182 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:01,743 Why aren't you laughing? That's funny, talkin' hair. 183 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,270 Come on. I gotta get loose for my show. 184 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,497 Ey! Ey! 185 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,274 - [SIGHS] - Your hair is fine. 186 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,609 I don't know why I'm so nervous. 187 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,403 I mean, Sylvia says I'm not even gonna be on camera. 188 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,155 'Cause your face would break it. 189 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,966 [LAUGHING] 190 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:18,951 I'm sorry. 191 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,221 That was low-hangin' fruit. You right. My bad. 192 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,413 Wait. 193 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,874 I thought you was done with interviews after the last one? 194 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,502 What you tryin' to do? Piss off the guards at every prison? 195 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,087 It ain't an interview. 196 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,233 All right? I have a trial deposition tomorrow. 197 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,861 I thought that wasn't for months? 198 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,035 [SIGHS HEAVILY] No, man. Caputo is moving, 199 00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:42,099 so they wanna get his testimony now. 200 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,370 And he agreed to be a character witness and say nice things about me. 201 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,290 Like how I am not a murderer. 202 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:50,941 Shit. 203 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:55,279 And how I don't... [SIGHS] deserve the death penalty. 204 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,572 [GROANS] 205 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,924 [WINCES] 206 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,758 Are you okay? 207 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,012 Yeah. I'm fine. Just... 208 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,165 My back has been hurting lately. 209 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,626 Probably 'cause of them concrete beds in Ad Seg. 210 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,128 Might've pinched a nerve. 211 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:15,507 Vee used to lay on her back with, like, books under her head. 212 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,610 Said it aligned the spine. 213 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,031 - Yeah. Yeah, I could try that. - [TAYSTEE SIGHS] 214 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,242 - Yeah. - [SIGHS] 215 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,670 Can I have one of those? 216 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,364 - I don't know what you're talkin' about. - [SIGHS] 217 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,366 Yo, I got jumped for you, remember? 218 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,534 [SIGHS] 219 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,970 I still got pain. 220 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,140 Trust me, you don't want this. 221 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,208 These are some bath salts from three years ago. 222 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,771 Sent four girls to Psych before we got it off the market. 223 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,190 Is that why Barb's in Medical? 224 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,926 You were trying to kill her? 225 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,737 [SIGHS] Nah. 226 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,615 Barb's a genuine addict. She can handle the punch. 227 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,393 [SIGHS] I'm just trying to buy some time is all. 228 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,605 She gets a little RandR in medical. And I get some time to think. 229 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,291 That's some Iago shit. 230 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,776 You know, the bird from Aladdin? 231 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:16,735 You don't get it. 232 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,029 Druggie Barb wants to have me killed. 233 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,447 Sober Barb will do it. 234 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,074 You sound paranoid and shit. 235 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,886 This morning, I caught my roommate messing with my toothpaste. 236 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,454 Damn. That's some messed-up shit. 237 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,556 [SIGHS] 238 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:34,586 I'll get Barb's habit covered with what CO Enders smuggles in, but... 239 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,338 it's not enough for the whole block. 240 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,774 [SIGHS] 241 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,193 I got no more ideas. 242 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:43,804 I maybe have an idea. 243 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,905 Hmm? 244 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,075 I already smuggled in jizz. 245 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,201 Jizz? 246 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,537 [CLICKS TONGUE] 247 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,332 [SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 248 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,505 All right, we're gonna take it to the left. 249 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,866 - She said left, stupid. - I went left. 250 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,678 This is left. See? "L" for left. 251 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:09,496 I'm confused. 252 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:13,709 Ladies! Let's control our bodies and remember the dancer's space. 253 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,837 Otherwise, accidents happen and you end up dancing from a chair. 254 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,506 I won't apologize for connecting to the music. 255 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,300 Which is why it's important to maintain proper form. 256 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:26,555 So that when you are out and the no-touching rule don't apply, 257 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,598 you can carry on with a partner. 258 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,700 [CHUCKLES] 259 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,411 You know what? Hold on. 260 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,438 [CHUCKLES] Oh, okay. 261 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,624 Okay. Put your arms like this. Let's go. 262 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,652 Oh, wow. Okay. See? 263 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:44,156 Nobody wants to see you flapping around like a balloon at a car dealership. 264 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,534 But if you take ownership of your personal space... 265 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,578 - Okay, relax. Okay? - Okay. 266 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,180 Just being a man is half of it. 267 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,957 Okay, tuck those hips in. 268 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,168 In, under, okay? 269 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,270 Let's go. 270 00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,588 That's right. 271 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,440 Tuck it in. Tuck it in. 272 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,151 See the difference? 273 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,904 Very good. 274 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,449 Yes, move those hips, too. Move the hips. 275 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:14,579 - There you go! Luschek! - [CHUCKLING] 276 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,755 Oh, it's, uh... I think the song's skipping. 277 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,407 All right. That's how it goes. 278 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,093 Now I'm really confused. 279 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,161 [GLORIA] Oh, my goodness. 280 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:34,765 Okay. Let's, um... let's see those moves. 281 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,901 It takes some getting used to. The phone and the glass. 282 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:46,903 Just like the movies, Ma. 283 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,349 It's so good to see you. Thank you for coming, Vasya. 284 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,060 - I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. - No, it's fine. 285 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,013 You're here now. That's what's important. 286 00:14:57,026 --> 00:15:01,400 - Hmm. - How is Yuri? And Maxsim? 287 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,528 They didn't want to visit their mamochka in the big house? Hmm? 288 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,446 Well, no, Yuri's good. 289 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:09,282 He got a trucking job with Salon Du Chocolat. 290 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:13,286 He's gotta drive at night when it's cool or else the nougat melts. 291 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,664 - [CHUCKLES] - So he sleeps during the day. 292 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,666 He got Maxsim a job. They're always on the road. 293 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,127 As long as they are working, that is good. 294 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:21,044 Yeah. 295 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:25,173 [IN RUSSIAN] Without work, one cannot pull a fish out of a pond. 296 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,880 [IN ENGLISH] Once they get on their feet, 297 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,343 they'll make time for their mother. 298 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,570 You could all come together. 299 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,431 Maybe bring the grandbabies. 300 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,142 They're old enough to make the drive now, huh? 301 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,243 Mmm. 302 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,206 And your father? He is good, too? 303 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,525 Yeah, Pop's fine. 304 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:47,446 I stay with him every once in a while, but he's barely, uh... 305 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,114 He is also working? 306 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:53,135 [STUTTERS] No. Actually, no, Ma. He doesn't have a job right now. 307 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,955 Why didn't he come with you? Is he sick? 308 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:01,185 No, he's okay. He's got his colitis, but he's okay. 309 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,523 Did you not tell him I'm ready to see him again? 310 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,901 I told him, Ma. But, um... 311 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,946 I don't think he's ready to see you. 312 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,865 What do you mean? 313 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:21,914 Ma, he's... he's seeing someone. 314 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,691 A woman. 315 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,168 I don't know. I think he's happy. 316 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,963 [CHUCKLES] Oh, Jesus. 317 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,756 Fuck. 318 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:36,453 [GASPS] Oh, so that's why no one has fucking come to see me. 319 00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:39,473 Because you're all covering for your father's wandering pecker. 320 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,253 [IN RUSSIAN] Love is not potatoes. You cannot throw it out a window. 321 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:49,942 [IN ENGLISH] But he's still married. I did not raise you to look the other way. 322 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:54,054 Ma, you cut him out. You cut all of us out. 323 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,013 What did you expect? 324 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,891 I expected him to stay true to his marriage vows. 325 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,809 [IN RUSSIAN] "Endure, and you'll fall in love." 326 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,581 [IN ENGLISH] That was the romantic proverb 327 00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:03,104 he pledged to me on our wedding day. 328 00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:07,317 You see, this is why no one comes to visit you. Okay? 329 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:10,028 To be lectured by Old Country maxims. 330 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,989 You put this glass between us, Ma. 331 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,593 You. No one else. You did it. 332 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,682 [CRYING] 333 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,004 [DAYANARA] You look nice. 334 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,089 Who's the sucker? 335 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,941 I don't need no man to look nice. 336 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,426 It's for my self-esteem and shit. 337 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,221 You gotta envision the life you want and then manifest it. 338 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,014 So cheetah print is your vision? 339 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,432 [SIGHS] 340 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,726 You wanna be a rug in some Saudi guy's house? 341 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,603 First of all, it's leopard. 342 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,439 And like a leopard, I'm fucking adaptable. 343 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,818 Leopards learn to drag their prey into the 344 00:17:48,831 --> 00:17:50,932 trees so that the lions can't get it. 345 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:55,240 Margarita's real into nature documentaries. 346 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,175 Thought you were getting your own place. 347 00:17:57,188 --> 00:17:58,272 I'm working on it. 348 00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,953 Shit's expensive. 349 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,413 They want first and last month, 350 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,915 plus a security deposit, plus a fucking broker's fee. 351 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,851 And it gotta be a three-bedroom for the kids. 352 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:12,149 Look, I maybe got an idea that could help you get them back faster. 353 00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:15,778 You got any of Cesar's old connects? 354 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,866 We just gotta get around Lassie. 355 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,603 I heard if you dip your underwear in coyote piss, 356 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,729 you can mask the smell. 357 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:28,440 What are you talking, mija? I gotta wear underwear now? 358 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,502 Yeah, 'cause you're gonna be sticking... 359 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,487 up your... 360 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,532 And then you're gonna stash it in that visitor's bathroom, and I... 361 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,285 Are you fucking crazy? 362 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,120 You want me to end up back in there with you? 363 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,122 They're my family, too. 364 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,750 You can't leave them in foster care. You said you needed money. 365 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,543 I'm getting money. 366 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:51,129 I'm killing it with the Nutri Herbal shit. 367 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,507 I'm about to make Captain's Club and get a three-day cruise to St. Thomas. 368 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,218 - That's bullshit and you know it. - No. You're bullshit. 369 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,446 [SIGHS] 370 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,390 I'm like a leopard. I learn from my mistakes. 371 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,786 And I ain't gonna let no lion take away my second chance. 372 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:13,318 We're back with our new advice segment, Asking for a Friend. 373 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:17,197 "Dear AFAF, I changed my whole life for this person. 374 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:22,410 I dyed my hair blonde, became a lesbian and got a tattoo of my lover's name." 375 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,287 Okay, I see the problem. 376 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:28,958 Okay, my advice is never get a tattoo of a lover's name. 377 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:32,921 Also, never use the word "lover." 378 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:36,049 I mean, have we learned nothing from Angelina Jolie? 379 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,927 Or Nick Cannon? [CHUCKLING] Or Johnny Depp? 380 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:43,014 I mean, just because you change your tattoo to say "Wino Forever," 381 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,934 doesn't mean we won't remember it once said "Winona." 382 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:50,372 [GASPS] Johnny Depp was knockin' cowboy boots with Wynonna Judd? 383 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,693 Hmm, love can build a bridge. 384 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:59,030 Only acceptable name to tattoo on your body is your mother's. 385 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,491 But, like, don't do that. That's weird. 386 00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:05,745 Um, just stick to, like, shooting stars for luck or, like, Bauhaus lyrics. 387 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,389 [GROANING SOFTLY] 388 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,058 [SIGHS] 389 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,752 BRB with more straight-talk-a from Flaca. 390 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,063 And your girl, Tova. 391 00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:15,746 [GROANS] 392 00:20:15,759 --> 00:20:18,091 God, can you, like, come up here, please? 393 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:21,386 My back is jacked. This the only way the pain is less than seven. 394 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,721 You should get that checked out. 395 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:27,183 No. I am done with prison doctors after Gyno Glenn. 396 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:29,436 Don't be comin' at me with your judgy face, 397 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,812 gripin' 'bout a yeast infection 398 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,398 when it ain't my choice to wear polyester panties. 399 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,818 It's like I'm talking to nobody. I can't find any kind of flow. 400 00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:40,631 This segment is a dud anyway. It's killing our comedy. 401 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,825 No. We're helping people. 402 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:48,556 Writing letters when you got no other option is cathartic and shit. 403 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,960 It's like going to confession with a priest, 404 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,646 except no one's gonna molest you. 405 00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,008 They're everywhere. 406 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,152 They're fucking everywhere. 407 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:06,848 Please! Please! Please. 408 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,767 They're gonna eat my face off. 409 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,871 - Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. - [BREATHING HEAVILY] 410 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,689 - Who are they? - The flies. 411 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,108 Hmm. And how do you know they're gonna eat you? 412 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:20,713 They told me, with their little tiny hand-rubbing. 413 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,240 Excuse me. 414 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,494 I was recently appointed the Lord of the Flies. Okay? 415 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:30,121 So I happen to know that they're vegetarian. 416 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,433 Exactly. I'm a carrot. 417 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:36,520 Okay. Well, that's useful information. Thank you. 418 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,549 You see that giant green frog over there? 419 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,759 [GASPS] Huh. 420 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,028 [NICKY] By the plant? 421 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:48,348 [GASPS] Look! The frog ate him. 422 00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:50,117 - [LAUGHING] - Oh! 423 00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:52,202 Merci beaucoup, Mr. Frog. 424 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,980 May I call you Edward Sutton Weaver III? 425 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,291 Oui. 426 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,026 [BREATHES HEAVILY] 427 00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,588 Cool. [SIGHS] 428 00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:05,907 - [GASPS] What if they come back? - Yeah. 429 00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:08,201 [STUTTERS] They can't find you if you're quiet. 430 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,554 They have five eyes. 431 00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:15,291 All right. Look, don't worry. I'm gonna guide you out of the swamp. 432 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:16,417 Okay. 433 00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:20,272 First, let's crouch down, okay? Real low. 434 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:25,778 [WHISPERING] Lower. Lower. 435 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,972 Thank you so much for helping me. 436 00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:32,034 [SHUSHES] No fly zone. 437 00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:34,078 [MOUTHING] Thank you. 438 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:38,916 [IN SPANISH] This weird thing happened with Luschek in class. 439 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,086 Weird? [SCOFFS] Luschek? 440 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,421 - Go on... - Well... 441 00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:48,467 You know how fear makes Luschek, you know? 442 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:52,429 [IN ENGLISH] Oh, yeah. I heard about the Chapo. Yeah. 443 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:57,101 Would you describe me as, um... scary? 444 00:22:58,252 --> 00:23:00,295 No, not really. Like, Mom scary. 445 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:02,797 Like, I-don't-wanna-disappoint-you scary. 446 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:05,425 [IN SPANISH] But I don't think he got hard because of that. 447 00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:07,277 [GRUNTING] 448 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,989 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 449 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,685 At the time of this boner... 450 00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,329 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 451 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,915 [IN ENGLISH] where was his crotch? 452 00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:24,986 Well, it was, like, grinding into my right thigh. 453 00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:28,072 [IN SPANISH] But it was a teachable moment for the purpose of dance. 454 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,299 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 455 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:32,285 This wasn't a fear boner. 456 00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:35,496 [IN ENGLISH] That was a boner-boner. [CHUCKLES] Luschek is into you. 457 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,665 [SCOFFS AND SIGHS] 458 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:40,835 Oh, damn. The food is here. [IN SPANISH] Let's get you back down. 459 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:41,919 [IN ENGLISH] No. 460 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,882 [IN SPANISH] Doc prescribed Midol and not getting my ass beat again. 461 00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:47,800 Better to stay here 462 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:51,888 till someone else fucks up and those bitches forget about me. 463 00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:52,989 Wait. 464 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,017 [IN ENGLISH] Blues did this to you? 465 00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:00,980 [SIGHS] All right. 466 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,399 Point those bitches out. I'll... 467 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:04,776 [IN SPANISH] For what? 468 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,862 End up with undiagnosed internal bleeding, too? 469 00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:09,864 Nah, that's stupid. 470 00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,975 [IN ENGLISH] I can go on six days without eating. 471 00:24:11,988 --> 00:24:13,284 That's how I won my first car. 472 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,095 You need to tell a guard or something. 473 00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,788 [IN SPANISH] Who? 474 00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:19,641 The one that beats Daya or the one that beats Taystee? 475 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:21,959 [IN ENGLISH] Must be someone 476 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,396 who doesn't buy into this alphabet war bullshit. 477 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,151 [SCOFFS] If I had your ass, I would ask Luschek. 478 00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:32,428 [IN SPANISH] But I got my Tia Mirna's. 479 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,782 [IN ENGLISH] Everybody has their superpowers. 480 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,328 Ay, you stupid. 481 00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:42,188 [BLANCA WINCES AND EXHALES] 482 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:43,523 I need 16 signatures 483 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:46,734 in order for Luschek to open the yard for kickball practice. 484 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:50,714 I canvassed the block all day and I have three signatures. 485 00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,050 Three! 486 00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:56,744 One of which is Beth the Babykiller. 487 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,996 Which is too long of a name to put on a kickball jersey. 488 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:02,750 I'll sign up. That makes four. Quarter way there. 489 00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,686 I already forged your signature. 490 00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,839 We're engaged. It's legal. 491 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,967 [CHUCKLES] You seem to forget that I have a busted shoulder. 492 00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:12,677 Might not be much help in the outfield. 493 00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:14,929 I thought that you could be designated kicker, 494 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,725 which means I'm actually short 14 spots. 495 00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:22,746 Kickball is classic childhood fun. Why doesn't anybody wanna play? 496 00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:25,582 Guys? I'm asking you. 497 00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:28,794 Come on, Dwight? 498 00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:33,173 You look like you've... seen sports. 499 00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:37,410 It's not really a great time for me to be in the vicinity of flying balls. 500 00:25:37,411 --> 00:25:38,971 [CHUCKLING] 501 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:40,681 Balls. 502 00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,599 And what's your excuse? 503 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:46,395 Okay. That's fair. 504 00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:51,799 Oh, man, white girl, I would join, 505 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,719 but I am swamped with Salsa Fitness by Gloria. 506 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,889 I gotta make lesson plans, come up with new eight-counts... 507 00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:01,225 Everybody is complaining about the loss of these cheese jobs 508 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,310 and having nothing to do, 509 00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:05,605 so I offer a little bit of extra time in the open air... 510 00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:08,900 Well, open air barely visible through a slatted roof. 511 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:11,211 Organized sports are nature's anti-depressants. 512 00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:13,505 Remind me why you give a shit, Pipes. 513 00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:16,925 Because this place sucks. 514 00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:21,078 At night, we're locked in a box, which is locked in a cage, 515 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:23,008 which is locked in a windowless compound, 516 00:26:23,021 --> 00:26:24,904 and I cannot do anything to change that. 517 00:26:29,004 --> 00:26:33,066 But I can reinstate kickball. 518 00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:39,764 A small, tiny thing that will make this place suck less. 519 00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:42,743 Both while I'm here and for those who come after. 520 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,914 That's actually really nice. 521 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,273 Maybe you could try tetherball? 522 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:53,462 [CHUCKLES] It doesn't matter what I choose. Nobody's going to sign up. 523 00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:56,840 - I bet Badison's behind this. - [BADISON LAUGHS] 524 00:26:57,449 --> 00:26:59,492 She's marking her territory all over my stuff. 525 00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:02,262 Maybe nobody's signing up because of this, uh, gang shit. 526 00:27:02,913 --> 00:27:06,207 This block system is totally insane. 527 00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:09,877 I mean, we're supposed to bow down to those mousey bitches? 528 00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:13,965 Be all C-Block ride or die, no reasons? [TSKS] 529 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:17,718 That's how Max operates. Gangs run this place. 530 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,446 Personally, I like having a team. 531 00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:23,158 - You know what is all about teams? - Please don't say the word "kickball." 532 00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:26,435 It ain't a team if they're attacking their own. 533 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:27,562 Ask Blanca. 534 00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:30,773 This is like how they tame elephants to stay in a box. 535 00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:32,984 First, they tie them with a rope when they're babies. 536 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,870 And then by the time they're fully grown, 537 00:27:34,883 --> 00:27:36,767 you can keep them in there with a string. 538 00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:44,346 They also savagely beat them with bullhooks. 539 00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:48,040 I'm not sure how applicable that is to this situation. 540 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,727 You know what? Busted nose is right. 541 00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,505 Gangs trick you into feeling like you got no other option, 542 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:55,983 but we each got our own power. 543 00:27:57,259 --> 00:28:02,013 Chapman, you wanna make kickball happen? Make kickball happen. 544 00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:04,533 These aren't the only bitches in this prison. 545 00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:06,535 Break the string. 546 00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:13,917 [FLACA] Good morning, Maxinistas! 547 00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:17,320 Oh! Whoa! 548 00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:19,864 Got a whole stack of letters to get through. 549 00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:24,327 [SCOFFS] My girl Flaca was right. Y'all got hella problems. 550 00:28:24,328 --> 00:28:27,163 And, uh, we must be some kind of advice goddesses. 551 00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:28,724 - [FLACA] Mmm-hmm. - Hmm. 552 00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:31,727 This one looks interesting. 553 00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:38,466 "Dear Asking for a Friend, me and my friend got caught up in a thing. 554 00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:43,113 I lied to protect myself and now my friend is going down for it. 555 00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:49,828 The guilt is killing me. It's giving me stomach aches. 556 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:53,999 I think I might have an ulcer. What should I do?" 557 00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:57,026 - [BREATHES HEAVILY] - Wow. 558 00:28:57,027 --> 00:29:00,196 That's, like, a real pickle for our poor letter-writer. 559 00:29:00,197 --> 00:29:02,507 [CHUCKLES] I got this one, Tova. 560 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,177 Speak on it, sis. 561 00:29:06,036 --> 00:29:07,804 I got a best friend. 562 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:12,059 She's in a facility 1,500 miles away, 563 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,771 and I think about her every day. [CHUCKLES] 564 00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:19,465 I think about her when I'm putting on my makeup 565 00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:21,717 and when I'm taking off my makeup 566 00:29:21,718 --> 00:29:25,322 and when I'm thinking about what makeup I'm gonna do. 567 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:28,617 'Cause that's what friends do. 568 00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:31,912 But this letter-writer? 569 00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:34,498 She's a traitor and a hater. 570 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,275 You need to take blame for what you did. 571 00:29:37,276 --> 00:29:40,528 [STUTTERS] Well, no, I really don't think she did something. 572 00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:42,655 She said she lied about something. 573 00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:43,990 Yeah, "lied." [SCOFFS] 574 00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:47,201 Lied about being a person capable of friendship, 575 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:50,075 and now her stomach acid is punishing her because... 576 00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:51,539 uh, she's a selfish bitch. 577 00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:53,624 Whoa, whoa. Language. 578 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,376 "Bitch" is fine. 579 00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,211 Betty White said it on Hot in Cleveland. 580 00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:58,546 [SIGHS] 581 00:29:58,547 --> 00:30:00,131 [FLACA] If I met this letter-writer, 582 00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:03,360 I'd say, "There are two things I don't like about you. 583 00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:06,846 - Your face..." - Well, sass it down a notch. 584 00:30:06,847 --> 00:30:09,707 Well, this writer should suffocate herself 585 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,101 for making the world a worse place. 586 00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:13,245 Ow! 587 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:16,373 What the hell? 588 00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:18,041 [SIGHS] 589 00:30:19,109 --> 00:30:21,193 You understand that everything you say here today 590 00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:25,173 is under oath and will be recorded and may be used during trial? 591 00:30:25,782 --> 00:30:27,342 I do. 592 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:30,578 Please state your full name for the court record. 593 00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:32,788 Joseph Salvatore Caputo. 594 00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:36,417 Mr. Caputo, can you describe the nature of your relationship 595 00:30:36,418 --> 00:30:38,627 with the defendant, Ms. Tasha Jefferson? 596 00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:41,255 Ms. Jefferson was an inmate under my care 597 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:43,049 at the Litchfield Correctional Institution. 598 00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:44,860 And you were warden of this facility? 599 00:30:45,385 --> 00:30:49,180 [STUTTERS] Technically, the director of human activity 600 00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:51,307 but that's corporate speak. 601 00:30:51,308 --> 00:30:56,413 Ms. Jefferson was also assigned work duty as my secretarial assistant. 602 00:30:57,314 --> 00:30:59,815 Personally chosen by me, I might add, 603 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,003 due to her placing first in our mock jobs fair. 604 00:31:04,029 --> 00:31:06,989 How would you describe your working relationship? 605 00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:08,675 I'd say she was an excellent assistant. 606 00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:11,369 She was very dedicated to her job. 607 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:15,915 Easy to motivate, amenable to criticism. [SIGHS] 608 00:31:15,916 --> 00:31:19,627 Stubborn, but a great attitude. 609 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,837 [CHUCKLING] She dropped her fair share of phone calls, 610 00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:26,443 but, in her defense, the phones could be tricky at Litchfield. 611 00:31:27,177 --> 00:31:29,070 We had a good working relationship. 612 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,074 [UPBEAT SONG PLAYING OVER RADIO] 613 00:31:36,019 --> 00:31:37,353 You ever been to Farmer Cubana? 614 00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:40,665 They have the most incredible pulled pork sandwich. 615 00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,501 It's 9:00 a.m. 616 00:31:42,943 --> 00:31:46,153 [SCOFFS] That's the beauty of brunch. If you can have French toast at 2:00, 617 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:49,073 you can have barbeque in the morning, you know. 618 00:31:49,074 --> 00:31:50,241 Not a brunch person, or... 619 00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:54,036 I read you should only eat fruit before 11:00 for the digestion. 620 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,496 Hmm. 621 00:31:55,497 --> 00:31:58,749 [GASPS] Uh, I know this other place. It's called Urban Soul. 622 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:04,088 They have this live bluegrass trio, they're amazing, and bottomless mimosas. 623 00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:05,732 That don't sound fun to me. 624 00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:11,470 [STUTTERS] Uh, we could go to Costco. We get a rotisserie chicken 625 00:32:11,471 --> 00:32:13,764 and check out the free Eagles cover band in the park. 626 00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,159 I don't like none of those things. 627 00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:21,355 Come on, I mean, it's... I have the whole day off. 628 00:32:21,356 --> 00:32:25,651 What do you normally do on the weekends? You know, with your boyfriends? 629 00:32:25,652 --> 00:32:30,197 Ain't no weekends when you're in sales. Saturday is my biggest day. 630 00:32:30,198 --> 00:32:32,801 People finally home to open their doors. 631 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:36,137 What if I bought what you make on a typical Saturday? 632 00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:41,500 - Four cases. - [SCOFFS] Deal. 633 00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:45,021 I meant five. And you gotta pay for Sunday, too, 'cause of the commute. 634 00:32:46,882 --> 00:32:47,983 All right. 635 00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:53,655 If you're hungry, I know a place that makes amazing mofongo. 636 00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:57,033 - Mofongo? [LAUGHS] - Mofongo. You're gonna love it. 637 00:33:00,020 --> 00:33:01,997 [INDISTINCT YELLING] 638 00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:06,317 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 639 00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:08,527 Pendejo, you couldn't give me another minute? 640 00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:10,070 Yeah, you're a real gentleman, huh? 641 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,406 Yo, be careful with my shit, bro. 642 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,699 Where the hell you been? 643 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:15,743 I've been callin' you all night. 644 00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:16,911 Is that my shirt? 645 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:19,497 You pissed it's not on the sidewalk with all your other shit? 646 00:33:19,498 --> 00:33:21,457 If you'd paid your half, it wouldn't be. 647 00:33:21,458 --> 00:33:24,853 The landlord sent his wife this time, so I couldn't jerk him off. 648 00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:26,879 My mom's on her way with a U-Haul, 649 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,507 but she got wedged under a bridge, she gotta wait for a tow truck. 650 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:31,050 I don't wanna live with your mother. 651 00:33:31,051 --> 00:33:33,278 [CHUCKLES] Good, 'cause you're not invited. 652 00:33:34,221 --> 00:33:38,116 My moms don't trust women. You gotta find somewhere else. 653 00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:41,911 Yo, be careful with my shit. 654 00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:45,105 Don't just stand there. 655 00:33:45,106 --> 00:33:48,108 Ain't you never seen somebody be evicted before? 656 00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:50,837 Go get boxes and donuts. 657 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,008 [SIGHS] 658 00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:05,084 I'm so happy you decided to come. 659 00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:09,505 I'm telling you, it's lovely to be around people who don't judge you. 660 00:34:09,506 --> 00:34:12,383 And you're sure some D-Blockers will be in here? 661 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:14,843 Non-hostile, athletically-inclined ones? 662 00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:16,512 This is a safe space. 663 00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:20,099 [MARIA] "...be thrown into the sea, with a millstone tied around their neck 664 00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:23,561 than to cause one of these little ones to stumble." 665 00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:25,479 "So watch yourselves. 666 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:30,109 If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, 667 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:32,820 and if they repent, forgive them." 668 00:34:32,821 --> 00:34:36,031 Religious people are a peaceful people. 669 00:34:36,032 --> 00:34:38,617 - "And even if they sin against you..." - Not historically. 670 00:34:38,618 --> 00:34:40,995 "...seven times in one day 671 00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:44,131 and come back to you seven times, saying, 672 00:34:44,144 --> 00:34:46,905 'I repent, ' you must forgive them." 673 00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:49,896 And what does this mean to you? 674 00:34:54,676 --> 00:34:57,886 [STUTTERS] I don't know. I read and re-read this so many times. 675 00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:59,597 I don't know. I think it's kinda bullshit. 676 00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:01,473 I know I'm not supposed to say that in here, 677 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,684 but it just doesn't make sense. 678 00:35:03,685 --> 00:35:05,686 What about, "Fool me once, shame on you. 679 00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:08,188 Fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me seven times, 680 00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:10,625 then you deserve what's coming to you?" 681 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:19,175 And maybe that's the kind of thinking that got me in here in the first place. 682 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:22,536 Maybe if somebody messes up that many times, 683 00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:24,681 it's more about them hurting or something. 684 00:35:26,041 --> 00:35:29,918 And that me retaliating isn't gonna fix that problem, 685 00:35:29,919 --> 00:35:31,688 only make a new one. 686 00:35:33,757 --> 00:35:35,817 Thank you for sharing, Maria. 687 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:43,098 Now, would anyone else like to share their insights... 688 00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:46,411 [WHISPERING] I have always been partial to that Maya Angelou quote, 689 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:51,332 "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." 690 00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,335 I don't hate that. 691 00:35:56,112 --> 00:35:58,113 [PIPER WHISPERING] When I first got here, 692 00:35:58,114 --> 00:36:01,509 you were really pregnant and you were kind of nice. 693 00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:06,580 Yeah? Okay, look, we were never friends. 694 00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:09,208 But you didn't hate me at first. 695 00:36:09,209 --> 00:36:13,295 I know I'm supposed to talk about "The Judgment of Solomon," 696 00:36:13,296 --> 00:36:17,049 but today, I want to talk about the Cult of the Holy Virgin. 697 00:36:17,050 --> 00:36:19,968 I told you I googled that. It's not a real thing. 698 00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:22,805 That is because the Internet is controlled by men, 699 00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:25,766 - and the Cult is for women only. - [CHUCKLING] 700 00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:29,186 The Internet does not want the world to know. 701 00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:31,247 But the man will not keep us down. 702 00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,982 We have been cast out for too long. 703 00:36:33,983 --> 00:36:38,463 I'm doing this thing. It's kind of stupid. I'm starting a kickball league. 704 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,658 Um, I need 16 signatures. We get extra yard time. 705 00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:45,178 [WHISPERING] If you wanna, uh, sign up... 706 00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:49,289 [ADEOLA] It cannot be contained. 707 00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:54,336 It has been too long that our power and our flower has been ignored. 708 00:36:54,337 --> 00:36:58,132 But what if we took all of the flowers and combined them, 709 00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:01,051 and the smell would be overpowering, 710 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:04,012 and it would be a different world, it would be a smarter world, 711 00:37:04,013 --> 00:37:07,659 it would be the world of gardens? 712 00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:11,603 You were also present for the riot negotiations, 713 00:37:11,604 --> 00:37:13,772 spearheaded by Ms. Jefferson, were you not? 714 00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:18,902 Not from the start, but I was brought in about halfway, yes. 715 00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,163 What was your impression of my client during that time? 716 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,409 She took her role as lead negotiator very seriously. 717 00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:28,847 She was articulate. She was prepared with statistics. 718 00:37:29,831 --> 00:37:35,103 It is not easy to go toe-to-toe with Natalie Figueroa, let me tell you, 719 00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:37,045 but she did. 720 00:37:37,046 --> 00:37:40,299 She was focused on improving the conditions of the prison, 721 00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,926 which is more than I can say for most of her fellow inmates, 722 00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:46,531 who were just reveling in the... "the Purge." 723 00:37:47,891 --> 00:37:50,350 Thank you, Mr. Caputo. 724 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:52,328 I have no more questions. 725 00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,875 Mr. Caputo. 726 00:37:57,734 --> 00:38:00,545 It seems you had a very close relationship with the defendant. 727 00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:04,173 I take my role as rehabilitator very seriously. 728 00:38:04,657 --> 00:38:07,576 During the defendant's incitement of the riot, 729 00:38:07,577 --> 00:38:10,788 a crime to which she has already pleaded guilty, 730 00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:13,099 was there ever a point where you feared for your life? 731 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,584 No. Never. 732 00:38:15,585 --> 00:38:21,524 Really? Not once during three days of kidnapping and false imprisonment? 733 00:38:23,885 --> 00:38:25,219 No. 734 00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:28,096 Were you scared when Ms. Jefferson physically assaulted you? 735 00:38:28,097 --> 00:38:30,077 - I wouldn't say she assaulted me. - I barely... 736 00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,036 My client apologizes. 737 00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:36,939 The former head of public relations at MCC 738 00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:41,336 has testified that he witnessed Ms. Jefferson punch you in the face, 739 00:38:41,903 --> 00:38:46,490 resulting in blood, quote, "pouring from your nose." 740 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,967 Did that not happen? 741 00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:53,205 Yes, it did, but... 742 00:38:53,206 --> 00:38:56,750 This was after the defendant, along with three other inmates, 743 00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:59,002 trapped you in your office and threatened you 744 00:38:59,003 --> 00:39:01,296 with various homemade prison weapons, 745 00:39:01,297 --> 00:39:05,193 including "a board lined with rusty nails"? 746 00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:13,743 Could you answer out loud, please, for the court reporter? 747 00:39:15,395 --> 00:39:16,495 Yes. 748 00:39:18,731 --> 00:39:20,274 [SIGHS] 749 00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:22,251 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 750 00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:25,212 [CLEARS THROAT] 751 00:39:26,114 --> 00:39:27,590 Nice try with Enders. 752 00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:30,993 It's too bad she got busted coming in this morning. 753 00:39:30,994 --> 00:39:33,120 Turns out tucking shit in your undertit 754 00:39:33,121 --> 00:39:36,039 doesn't work so well after a breast reduction. 755 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,834 And why do women do that, huh? 756 00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:43,940 I mean, outside of cancer, why would a woman ever make her tits smaller? 757 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,235 Fucking serves her right. 758 00:39:53,683 --> 00:39:55,159 We should start a club. 759 00:39:57,979 --> 00:39:59,271 We're injury buddies. 760 00:39:59,272 --> 00:40:01,958 [CHUCKLES] We were never buddy-buddies. 761 00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:04,085 Not too late to start. 762 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,923 Did you want something, gimpy? 763 00:40:09,824 --> 00:40:14,036 Thought you should know, your girls are falling down on their job. 764 00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:15,737 Not watching your back like they should. 765 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:19,225 Why do I need to watch my back? 766 00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:21,894 Heard some inmates talking about a coup. 767 00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:26,566 Trying to undermine your position. Like Gloria, for one. 768 00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:29,402 Gloria? Which one is Gloria? 769 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,307 [SCOFFS AND LAUGHS] 770 00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:38,226 What, is she gonna lead a Dance Dance Revolution? 771 00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:40,145 She gettin' all up on Luschek. 772 00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:43,398 And not because of his undeniable sexual magnetism. 773 00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:45,734 What's that? You got an eye thing? 774 00:40:45,735 --> 00:40:49,589 I'm saying, she getting close to him for the wrong reasons. 775 00:40:49,989 --> 00:40:51,174 Your reasons. 776 00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,596 What do you think you know? 777 00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:59,515 I'm an appreciator of beauty. 778 00:41:00,500 --> 00:41:06,254 I watch Luschek and when I watch him, I see what I see. 779 00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:09,734 Like, how every day he got a different phone. 780 00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:11,944 Understand me? 781 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:14,489 Oh, I'm starting to overstand. 782 00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:17,700 It's Zirconia, right? 783 00:41:19,352 --> 00:41:23,897 If your Intel shakes out, I might start calling you Diamond. 784 00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:25,315 [BADISON CHUCKLES] 785 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,818 Actually, cubic zirconia are optically flawless, 786 00:41:27,819 --> 00:41:30,612 so, you should probably stick with the "Z" word. 787 00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:33,281 Lady, your real name is Irene. 788 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:35,593 I call you Diamond, be grateful. 789 00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:39,621 So she's the one who OD'ed, but it's my fault? 790 00:41:39,622 --> 00:41:42,916 Christ. Firstborn's supposed to be the responsible one, 791 00:41:42,917 --> 00:41:46,086 so how come I had enough sense not to get hooked on my own product? 792 00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:48,714 Classic junkie. It's always somebody else's fault. 793 00:41:48,715 --> 00:41:50,507 Junkie's got nothing to do with it. 794 00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:52,592 Family always blames family. 795 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:55,262 Yesterday, my son told me that I'm the reason 796 00:41:55,263 --> 00:42:00,142 my husband is prematurely ejaculating into a divorcee from Sheepshead Bay. 797 00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:04,354 [SCOFFS] The problem with family is expectations. 798 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:06,898 Unconditional love, my ass-crack. 799 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,817 Gotta earn my affections. They're not a right. 800 00:42:08,818 --> 00:42:13,488 Exactly. I spent weeks apologizing to my son, begging him to visit, 801 00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:16,783 when I was the one who grew him from a speck of nothing. 802 00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:19,828 Fed him milk from my breast for three fucking years 803 00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:22,122 and now my tits hang like shriveled figs. 804 00:42:22,123 --> 00:42:23,165 [LAUGHS] 805 00:42:23,166 --> 00:42:28,837 "Aw, Mommy, please come visit me. I'm so sad you only visit Barbie." 806 00:42:28,838 --> 00:42:33,568 Fuck unconditional love. Hate keeps me warm at night. 807 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,387 - In Russia, we have a saying. - Hmm. 808 00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:40,640 [IN RUSSIAN] "Those who love you will make you weep. 809 00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:43,494 Those who hate you will make you laugh." 810 00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:47,456 You don't even have to translate that. I hear you loud and clear. 811 00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,253 Sit there. Across from me. 812 00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:54,255 She's my partner now. 813 00:43:13,382 --> 00:43:15,675 Thinking you're a runaway carrot is nothing. 814 00:43:15,676 --> 00:43:17,677 I remember this one time I was so fucked up, 815 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:20,764 I go and I knock on the elevator door and nobody answers, 816 00:43:20,765 --> 00:43:22,599 - I took a shit in the hallway. - [LAUGHING] 817 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,017 Yeah. Reasonable. 818 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,435 [STUTTERS] And the next morning, 819 00:43:25,436 --> 00:43:28,855 I wake up in bed next to Katie Buhrmaster's super hairy brother 820 00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:31,399 and I found out that I had sold him 821 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,213 my entire Beanie Baby collection for one bump. 822 00:43:35,863 --> 00:43:37,030 That doesn't sound so bad. 823 00:43:37,031 --> 00:43:39,574 I had Humphrey the Camel, okay? 824 00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:41,993 And Garcia the Tie-Dyed Bear. 825 00:43:41,994 --> 00:43:43,846 Also, I am gay. 826 00:43:45,456 --> 00:43:48,226 The next morning was the first time I tried to get sober. 827 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:54,690 Last time I was sober was, God... 30 years ago. 828 00:43:55,967 --> 00:43:57,735 I was the good daughter. 829 00:43:58,553 --> 00:44:01,805 When I first got here, man, I had ethics. 830 00:44:01,806 --> 00:44:04,224 Strictly sell. 831 00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:08,663 I didn't even touch my own supply until that rat, Frieda, fucked everything up. 832 00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:13,567 I got added years. I could've been out by now. 833 00:44:13,568 --> 00:44:17,612 Not dodging assassination attempts by my own sister. 834 00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:21,324 [CHUCKLES] Well, this place will bring out your dark side. 835 00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:23,761 Yeah. I learned that the last time I was here. 836 00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:25,595 You were here? 837 00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:30,250 Fuck. Maybe it really is time to get sober. 838 00:44:30,251 --> 00:44:33,628 There is too much going on around here that is getting by me. 839 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:38,442 Eighth time's the charm. That's what I'm hoping. 840 00:44:39,635 --> 00:44:42,095 What's the point of being sober in here, huh? 841 00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,948 I mean, nobody wants to feel this. 842 00:44:44,849 --> 00:44:50,079 My guru, Jolene, says that I am resting up for my next life. 843 00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:53,023 Hopefully as an only child. 844 00:44:53,024 --> 00:44:58,194 I have found that it's a lot easier to just be present for your current life 845 00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:00,673 rather than constantly trying to score to shut it out. 846 00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:04,200 Like, uh, saying, there is no shutting it out. 847 00:45:04,201 --> 00:45:07,680 Also sometimes you gotta do some really ugly shit to score. 848 00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:11,058 Denning, you've been cleared for meds. 849 00:45:14,545 --> 00:45:15,688 Yeah, I don't need it. 850 00:45:19,008 --> 00:45:20,401 That was colossally bone-headed. 851 00:45:21,469 --> 00:45:24,095 You could've sold that shit. This is the seller's market. 852 00:45:24,096 --> 00:45:25,698 [CHUCKLES] 853 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:27,450 [NICKY CLICKS TONGUE] 854 00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:33,456 I brought your favorite. 855 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:36,500 Simple, but classic. 856 00:45:37,652 --> 00:45:38,878 Here. 857 00:45:42,990 --> 00:45:44,300 They're my apology chips. 858 00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:47,136 My mom said no. 859 00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:52,207 I tried, I swear. 860 00:45:52,208 --> 00:45:55,460 She picked right now to be this good, lawful person 861 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:57,438 for the first time in her life. 862 00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:02,759 Maybe we could find somebody else. You got family or a brother? 863 00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,278 I got no one. 864 00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:07,347 Without product, I got nothing to offer in here, 865 00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:11,142 so it's best to walk away before you're a target by association. 866 00:46:11,143 --> 00:46:14,312 At camp, I heard that they trained a chicken to come through the fence. 867 00:46:14,313 --> 00:46:15,939 We don't go outside. 868 00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:20,235 No. But the girls were saying that they're gonna bring back kickball. 869 00:46:20,236 --> 00:46:21,695 Don't you get it? 870 00:46:21,696 --> 00:46:24,698 If there was a way to bring shit in, I would've thought of it. 871 00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:27,158 Sometimes you gotta say dumb ideas to get to a good one. 872 00:46:27,159 --> 00:46:29,053 You want drugs that bad? 873 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,388 Are you that fucking desperate? 874 00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:34,183 It's not about the drugs. 875 00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:42,483 Are you gonna make me say it? 876 00:46:45,678 --> 00:46:47,822 You've been nice to me. 877 00:46:48,556 --> 00:46:49,782 [SIGHS] 878 00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:54,078 I don't wanna be alone. 879 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:56,122 [SNIFFLES] 880 00:47:23,758 --> 00:47:26,443 [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY] 881 00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:30,573 Shit. 882 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,367 [GRUNTING] 883 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:36,954 [SIGHS] 884 00:47:40,149 --> 00:47:41,542 [CLEARS THROAT] 885 00:47:43,778 --> 00:47:46,988 Is it better if I say sorry or just not address it? 886 00:47:46,989 --> 00:47:50,926 Oh, it's cool. I came, like, a bunch of times, too. 887 00:47:51,744 --> 00:47:52,702 Really? 888 00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:55,246 No, stupid. That took, like, three seconds. 889 00:47:55,247 --> 00:47:56,557 Hmm. 890 00:47:58,084 --> 00:47:59,643 I made you breakfast. 891 00:48:04,632 --> 00:48:07,193 - It's a chocolate one, not spinach. - Oh. [CHUCKLES] 892 00:48:07,676 --> 00:48:08,777 [SLURPS] 893 00:48:09,386 --> 00:48:10,428 Mmm! 894 00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:12,514 Maybe you could take a container to work. 895 00:48:12,515 --> 00:48:13,890 The other guards might like it. 896 00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:15,266 [SIGHS AND SNIFFLES] 897 00:48:15,267 --> 00:48:17,936 You know what? I bet the guys would go nuts for it. 898 00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:21,022 You know, you might even get, like, three new customers. 899 00:48:21,023 --> 00:48:23,500 Yeah. Great. Three. Hmm. 900 00:48:24,652 --> 00:48:26,236 I'll have my own place in no time. 901 00:48:26,237 --> 00:48:29,823 Hey, I told you, you can stay here as long as you need. 902 00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:30,740 [SIGHS] 903 00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:33,175 This ain't big enough for me and my kids. 904 00:48:33,188 --> 00:48:35,203 Plus, your grandmother lives here. 905 00:48:35,204 --> 00:48:36,913 Yeah, but she never comes out. 906 00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:38,265 [SIGHS] 907 00:48:42,044 --> 00:48:45,839 [CHUCKLES] Listen, I'm gonna be back around 7:00. 908 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,633 In case maybe you wanna make dinner. 909 00:48:48,634 --> 00:48:50,343 [STUTTERS] Not in a blender. 910 00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:53,364 And nothing too spicy. That aggravates Nana's night reflux. 911 00:48:56,142 --> 00:48:58,911 Okay. [SNIFFLES AND SIGHS] 912 00:49:07,027 --> 00:49:08,236 [DOOR CLOSES] 913 00:49:08,237 --> 00:49:09,755 [SIGHS] 914 00:49:12,241 --> 00:49:14,301 [SPANISH MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 915 00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:27,231 Again. 916 00:49:33,846 --> 00:49:36,699 [LAUGHS] That was so good. 917 00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:42,103 Wow. You're in the groove. I think that was the best class yet. 918 00:49:42,104 --> 00:49:44,707 It was maybe top three. At most. 919 00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:47,543 [GLORIA] Um... 920 00:49:48,652 --> 00:49:50,004 We gotta talk. 921 00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:52,864 I know. I'm sorry. 922 00:49:52,865 --> 00:49:55,825 I didn't know if it was better to apologize to you after the fact 923 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,368 or pretend like it didn't happen. 924 00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:59,221 Uh, I wasn't talking about that. 925 00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:04,334 No? I mean, me, neither. [STUTTERS] What are we talking about? 926 00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:05,435 [SIGHS] 927 00:50:06,086 --> 00:50:08,880 It's this gang shit. It's out of control. 928 00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:11,674 And no offense, but the COs are doing nothing 929 00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:13,455 and people are getting really hurt in here. 930 00:50:14,428 --> 00:50:16,346 I wouldn't say we're not doing nothing. 931 00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:19,641 I mean, we canceled mixed yard and put Swope in the SHU. 932 00:50:19,642 --> 00:50:23,662 That don't matter when C's attacking C. It's gone intra-block now. 933 00:50:24,980 --> 00:50:26,707 I will definitely look into that. 934 00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:31,694 And I will talk to the interim warden, 935 00:50:31,695 --> 00:50:35,299 even though I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a flying fuck. 936 00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:37,009 Well... 937 00:50:38,744 --> 00:50:39,845 you got charm. 938 00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:43,015 Use it. 939 00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:55,510 [SIGHS] You know, you're at least 15 years too old for him. 940 00:50:55,511 --> 00:50:57,595 I don't know what you're talking about. 941 00:50:57,596 --> 00:50:59,430 If you ever go into that class again, 942 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:02,701 I'll have Shruti cut out your thyroid in your sleep. 943 00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:07,748 She was one test away from being an ENT surgeon. 944 00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:09,707 Feel me? 945 00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:22,537 You need all these books? 946 00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:24,956 I didn't know half the words those lawyers were saying. 947 00:51:24,957 --> 00:51:27,834 It was like a scene out of Boston Legal. 948 00:51:27,835 --> 00:51:30,420 And then this prosecutor lady was coming for me. 949 00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:35,484 She tried to paint me as some... revenge monster. 950 00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:38,695 Broken by the system, my ass. 951 00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:40,263 [SIGHS] 952 00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:42,408 You got good people on your side, too. 953 00:51:43,183 --> 00:51:45,702 You said your lawyer was hella smart. 954 00:51:46,854 --> 00:51:48,455 I don't know if that's enough. 955 00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:55,236 It was nice to hear all those things that Mr. Caputo was saying about me. 956 00:51:55,237 --> 00:51:58,698 After all that him and I had been through, 957 00:51:58,699 --> 00:52:02,886 for him to step up like that, man... 958 00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:06,807 [SIGHS] He's a good egg. 959 00:52:08,834 --> 00:52:12,003 - [GROANS] - Hey! Are you okay? 960 00:52:12,004 --> 00:52:13,439 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 961 00:52:21,930 --> 00:52:23,699 I gotta tell you something. 962 00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:28,144 It's real bad, T. 963 00:52:28,145 --> 00:52:30,563 Come on, now. You know you can tell me. 964 00:52:30,564 --> 00:52:32,416 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 965 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:35,460 I... 966 00:52:42,451 --> 00:52:43,760 [CRIES] 967 00:52:45,579 --> 00:52:46,930 [BLACK CINDY SIGHS] 968 00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:51,018 I got a daughter. 969 00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,104 - Oh. - [CRIES] 970 00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:58,192 [SIGHS] Look, that's cool. 971 00:52:59,051 --> 00:53:00,694 I mean, how old is she? 972 00:53:03,889 --> 00:53:05,324 Thirteen. 973 00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,786 She doesn't even know she's my kid. 974 00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:12,331 She thinks she's my sister. 975 00:53:13,315 --> 00:53:16,067 Look, that happens. All right? 976 00:53:16,068 --> 00:53:19,362 Some people think that Solange is Beyoncé's daughter. 977 00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:21,715 I didn't even tell the dad, neither. 978 00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:27,054 Instead, I lied to protect myself. 979 00:53:29,832 --> 00:53:34,436 He out there walking around, no clue what could hit him. 980 00:53:37,339 --> 00:53:40,192 I'm in here pretending like it didn't even happen. 981 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:44,154 Going on in life like... like... 982 00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:46,782 Like nothing. 983 00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:53,396 I'm sorry, T. I'm sorry I lied to you. 984 00:53:53,397 --> 00:53:56,107 [INHALES SHARPLY] I'm not a good person. 985 00:53:56,108 --> 00:53:57,150 No. 986 00:53:57,151 --> 00:54:00,153 - I'm not a good person. - I know you. All right? 987 00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:04,174 There is so much good in you. You had your reasons. 988 00:54:05,826 --> 00:54:07,761 I'm not a good person, T. 989 00:54:09,288 --> 00:54:12,683 No. All right? No. No. 990 00:54:13,625 --> 00:54:16,335 You are a good egg, too. 991 00:54:16,336 --> 00:54:18,438 [CRYING] I'm not a good person, T. 992 00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:23,151 - [POUNDING AT DOOR] - [EXHALES] 993 00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:26,137 [SCOFFS] What do you want? 994 00:54:26,138 --> 00:54:28,598 If you'd answer your fucking phone, I would tell you. 995 00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:32,226 I can't fucking find it. It's probably in a box with my towels. 996 00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:35,688 I'm moving, remember? You banished me to Missouri. 997 00:54:35,689 --> 00:54:38,065 [SCOFFS] I should've banished you from opening your mouth, 998 00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:39,817 I didn't think I needed to tape that shut. 999 00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:41,235 What are you talking about? 1000 00:54:41,236 --> 00:54:44,238 I am talking about being a good employee, Joe! 1001 00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:45,448 Toeing the company line 1002 00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:47,825 and not fucking the people who pay your checks. 1003 00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:51,287 How is taking a bottom-feeding job not toeing the company line? 1004 00:54:51,288 --> 00:54:53,706 Jack Pearson personally called me to ask me 1005 00:54:53,707 --> 00:54:58,586 why you were on the defense witness list for Tasha Jefferson. 1006 00:54:58,587 --> 00:55:02,465 You are making me look like a fucking idiot for not firing you. 1007 00:55:02,466 --> 00:55:03,806 Are you trying to get me fired? 1008 00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:07,988 Linda, it's not about you. 1009 00:55:09,223 --> 00:55:11,390 I am trying to do the right thing by that girl. 1010 00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:14,477 Well, this isn't about the right thing, Joe. 1011 00:55:14,478 --> 00:55:17,563 And stop acting like you're above all this. 1012 00:55:17,564 --> 00:55:23,045 Stop acting like you can just do... whatever you want without consequences. 1013 00:55:23,862 --> 00:55:26,757 MCC's dirt is your dirt. 1014 00:55:27,449 --> 00:55:28,675 You're MCC. 1015 00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,220 Yeah. 1016 00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:36,767 No. Not anymore. 1017 00:55:37,668 --> 00:55:39,168 I quit. 1018 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:40,270 [SCOFFS] 1019 00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:45,442 [EXHALES] 1020 00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:47,235 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 1021 00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:50,530 - [ALEX LAUGHS] - Oh, that's right. 1022 00:55:53,267 --> 00:55:55,226 Oh, no, I didn't order this. 1023 00:55:55,227 --> 00:55:57,329 Open the book, JonBenét. 1024 00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:04,753 [GASPS AND LAUGHS] 1025 00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:08,465 Yes! Yay! [LAUGHS] 1026 00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:12,118 Look who got kickball going. 1027 00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:13,911 There must've been divine intervention. 1028 00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:16,831 Your D-Block friend got all the church ladies to sign up. 1029 00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:18,642 I told you God is real. 1030 00:56:19,293 --> 00:56:20,626 Like in that movie they made 1031 00:56:20,627 --> 00:56:23,129 based on the kid's memoir that turned out to be a hoax. 1032 00:56:23,130 --> 00:56:24,422 [SIGHS] 1033 00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:27,609 I feel like I should warn you that I am not a graceful loser. 1034 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:35,808 [SCOFFS] You didn't get kickball. You got D-Block kickball. 1035 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,852 I just offered it to anybody who wanted to play. 1036 00:56:37,853 --> 00:56:39,454 You said I could ask the other girls. 1037 00:56:40,689 --> 00:56:43,899 If Barb's bitches are playing, we gotta have our own team. 1038 00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:47,570 Akers, Creech, Chambal, both Amys, you're joining kickball. 1039 00:56:47,571 --> 00:56:49,196 - Yeah, I call pitcher. - Damn it! 1040 00:56:49,197 --> 00:56:50,497 Can we change it to dodgeball? 1041 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,826 Badison, you're in charge. 1042 00:56:53,827 --> 00:56:56,996 We can call it Badison News Bears. [LAUGHS] 1043 00:56:56,997 --> 00:56:57,955 That's stupid. 1044 00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:59,099 Oh. 1045 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,544 Great. 1046 00:57:03,545 --> 00:57:06,297 Diamond! Yo, you can be base coach. 1047 00:57:06,298 --> 00:57:07,691 For real? 1048 00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:14,031 - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - [IMITATES AIRPLANE ROARING] 1049 00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:40,098 [INHALES DEEPLY] 1050 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,809 If we're gonna do this, 1051 00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:45,544 we gotta be smarter this time. 1052 00:57:52,231 --> 00:57:57,098 sync and corrections by